The Goa Tourism Ministry is all set to sue Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues Institute of Tenchnology over gross misrepresentation and character assasination of their region.

Reports suggest that the accused college had organised a trip to Goa for their students under the rather oxymoronic tag-‘Compulsory recreational trip’.Some students,who did not want to attend the trip,after having asked the posibility of doing so,were informed sympathetically by college-”Those poor students who were victims of the Hiroshima bombing,or the Apollo disaster or The Great Plague are totally exempted from this trip.All of the rest have to attend.”
“It is just like conscription” were some of the groans heard in the foyer when the trip was declared.

According to highly placed sources,the trip management informed them that Goa was famous for Fr.Agnel School,Pilar,churches and least famous for its beaches*.The incredulous students,when fed with such hocus pocus,were unable to digest such blasphemy.Their case,however worsened when they were also unable to digest the rubbery naans that they got for meals.One rather influential figure said-”With all the cheap location,off-season and high price thingies,we were sure there was something fishy regarding the whole trip.Unfortunately,the food wasnt one of those things.”,refering ofcourse,to the fact that not once did the college treat them with the marine delights of the place.The Goan people,when asked about this incident,looked at our reporters with a scowl,refused to react and went back to drinking their beer.

Another crime the college performed was making it compulsory for people to worship Draupadi and her clothing.”Irrespective of how many times we tried to strip ourselves to atleast some sort of comfortable clothing,as soon as we entered the bus,we found ourselves completely covered from head to toe”,said a particularly leggy lass.All the boys tended to agree with this little pearl and looked on dreamily somewhere.When our reporters dared to ask the Goan people again,they were sympathetic about this.One of them said-”We too have to wear formals once a month at our work-place.It’s a big head ache.Anyway,Maria honey,crack open a cold one,will ya?”

The college was also accused of hate crime against Goa by not letting its students anywhere near a beach.One of the students quipped-”In a land known for letting people wet their throats extensively,we didnt even get to wet our feet.”The Goan people,by now were too drunk for any kind of response and instead asked our reporters if they would help them reach their respective homes.The reporters were afraid of the 11 pm deadline set for them by a rather bassy voice and declined politely.It is this bassy voice that is expected to represent the college in court against the tourism ministry.

This court case is expected to cost the college a lot of money in legal fees,and hence the college has decided to organise another trip to another absolutely fun-sounding location and suck all the,umm,fun out of it.
*-(not an original line.it was a status update i read yesterday.)

Date a girl who is funny. Date a girl who goes around poking fun at people and their absurdities. Date a girl who can spice up a story in more ways than what your local curry house can spice up their novelty dish. Date a girl who has pissed someone off because she made an inappropriate joke on them.

Find a girl who cracks jokes. You will identify her by the reserved interest in her eyes and an unimpressed face. She is the one who will suddenly break into a smile because she has thought of a joke and cant really share it with the people around her ,for they might not understand the reference.

See a girl frantically searching for Pearls before Swine in the newspaper, ignoring the fashion section? That’s the girl for you. Fashion will end one day, and the skin will droop, but the sarcasm will stay fresher than any romantic flower even at the age of ninety. See the chick with a weird look while watching Oprah with her friends? Know her; she’s the one dying to crack a dirty joke but cant, because the rest of her sentimental friends love Oprah. Try chatting her up. She will crack one on you as well, be prepared to pit your wits against hers, and then come up trumps. You will have then gained her respect as someone with an arousingly big-joke.

Let her know what you really think of Russell Peters. Give her Ray William, Ricky Gervais. Ask her about George Carlin-if she likes him, keep her close. If not, dump her.

Wonder if she has managed to entertain a party with her witticisms multiple times. If yes, make babies with her multiple times.
Fail her. Let her know that, like every good comedian, you have an un-funny period as well. She will understand. For people might have often looked at her with condescending eyes over the quality of her humour. She will know that springing back in life consists of making a really good joke on someone who had called your earlier joke unfunny as fuck.

Propose to her properly though, you don’t want to carry the joke too far. Perhaps a small smile-inducer after she has said ‘yes’, but only if its funny. Otherwise you will always hear snide remarks through out your life.

Date a girl who is funny, because you deserve laughter all through your life. Books, paintings and stuff will only go as far as the mind goes-if the mind is sharp, everything becomes a lot fun-ner and fun-nier. If you want that stupid smile to be struck to your face through out your banal existence, date a girl who is funny.

And no, since I’ve praised a funny girl so much here, I’m not saying anything would be better than a funny girl. That’d be like the worst punch-line ever.

With the Naxals gaining so much screen time on all news channels (India TV-awesome, just awesome!) these days, discussions have been ripe with the talk of how communism as an ideology has impacted our lives. Before going any further, I’d like to confess that I know just as much about communism as Stephen Hawking knows about giving a good lap dance. The only contact I’ve had with communism is the 9th std lesson on Karl Marx(for people who will remark that Marxism is totally different from communism ,I know, it’s ideal v/s practical-but the apparent difference is same as the difference between Sunny Deol in Gadar,and Sunny Deol in any other film-apart from the turban, everything else is same),and Motorcycle diaries, and yes ,the idle chatter I’ve eavesdropped upon from various people at various times of life that socialism is an utter failure.

However, this crib of mine is not against socialism, but faux socialist dudes. Some people claim the number of such youngsters out on street today is directly proportional to the sale of Motorcycle diaries. Okay, so the book is good, but not a landmark or something that’ll make you revolt against your rich capitalist dad and fight for a utopian society. People refuse to accept that Che was popular because of the weed. Grow your hair a bit, spread rumors about using weed daily, and you have got almost the entire generation of youngsters hooked( which makes me wonder if Rolling Stones, Nirvana, Bob Marley could have achieved cult status had they lived in a war-torn thirty-third world country)

So maybe the guy was great, maybe his book even, but my dear friend, reading that most-probably ghost written book makes you a communist just as much as watching American Pie(1-2-3 awesome, rest bakwaas) makes you a freshly baked oven delight. Sample this discussion-

Friend 1:”Hey man (in a strange Jamaican accent, but we’ll talk about accents sometime later), did you read about those jawans killed by the Naxals?”

Me:”That was one horrible massacre.”

Dickhead (the name I have assumed for faux communist dude, you’ll come to know why when you read what he had to say): That’s nothing, the government has been killing innocent Naxals (now that, I believe, is a parody) for so long, it’s almost justified.”

Me:”Dickhead. Nothing, nothing can justify that.”

Dickhead:”You don’t know the hardships they have had to face”

Me:” Okay, what do you know Mr. Industrialist’s son? Did you read about them on the internet while resting your comfy ass on a 15 inch water bed at 15 degree Celsius in your mood-lightened room? Or did your friend tell you something while smoking that 500-a piece hookah and 1000-a-bag weed?”

Dickhead (visibly confused): I……ummm…….I read in Motorcyc…….”

Me-not there in the scene anymore.

Its somehow cool to follow a radical group of people blinded by a failure-prone ideology sitting in a forest and killing innocent people. What next? Verappanism?

What drives such pseudo-intellectuals? The desire to be different from the crowd? The desire to impress other such socialist chicks(which invariably are dressed in long flowing skirts sporting a load full of junk jewelry and more kajal in their eyes than what a chicken poops in a day)?
The most satisfactory answer I’ve received so far-“I used to get off on this picture on Arundhati Roy when I was in my teens, and now I’m into it just because she’s in it as well.”(ahh…the fickleness of the mind!)