You are an unimaginative pea-brained idiot.
You are a pea-brained idiot.
You are an idiot.

If you are thinking that this is an astonishing break from ordinary,that this is an example where the last,is indeed the least,please read ahead.

I would hereby like to make a declaration,I have declared a spite campaign against all people who pepper their speeches every now and then with this done-to-death cliche.
I mean,jeez guys,really,this phrase must have lost its charm the second it came out of the lips of the original guy who said it.To him it must have been one of those things that sound super-witty in your head,but when u blurt them out,are just as lame as a man who's lost both his legs in a freak alligator attack.

Yes,we get it,you love to vocalise truisms.You have absolutely no sense of wit.For you each and every statement has to be decorated with borrowed intelligence.From now on,whenever you talk,we are going to assume that you eternally talk like one of those count-down shows where the FIRST,is the least,and the last is definitely,absoultely and excruciatingly,not the least.Thank you.

Amongst others who would also like to thank you is the kid who,when asked the antonym of 'first',said 'last but not the least'(having being a victim of many such painful speeches),naturally scored the lowest in class and when asked about his position by his parents,answered the same 'last but not the least" to get a nice whipping for being over smart.And he still doesn't know why his answer was wrong.Thank you.Idiots.

www.sohamsverses.blogspot.com

A lot of people have cribbed about the present education system...and yours truly has some constructive criticism (now that's just an onomatopoeic euphemism for cribbing, I know) to add as well.The education system has taught me a lot of things.

First of all,it has taught me the difference between a teacher and a lecturer.A teacher teaches(before you think that i am wasting your time fooling around with obvious nouns and verbs,let me clarify)."Teaching",for me,doesnt mean making me attend a lecture(which invariably is oh-so-boring-its-makes-me-wanna-kill-someone)quietly with a sword of attendance hanging over my head.A teacher is someone who makes me want to listen to him.Sadly, take any teacher in my college-he just makes me listen to him.This is where a person stops being a teacher,and becomes a lecturer...and sadly,again.....i now realize ppl in my college never were teachers,they were lecturers from all along.A lecturer lectures(if by now u think i am a self-repeating fucker,plz dont think so...because a fucker,...yes,....a fuckers fucks...and unfortunately, ive never had the fortune of even unbuttoning my shirt's top button in female company,so the chances of me being a 'happy bunny' are exasperatingly remote),and tracing the etymological roots of the word "lecture",its quite a detested word mainly coz its an unneeded dialogue delivered to an uninterested person by an uncompetent(i kno its wrong,i was just trying to complete the u-sequence : P) authority.


Secondly,it has taught me the virtues of plagiarizing...ppl like anu malik and pritam swear by it and now,so do most of the million-odd ppl who have passed through this farcical system.Ive always wondered about the origin of assignments....they almost magically appear out of somewhere from one of those dreaded front benches...where monsters with "superhuman thirst for knowledge"(remeber Ross,and his comic book Science-boy?ahh those magical sitcoms)as their power sit,and devour hundreds and hundreds of books....and crap out crappy assignments(getting too literal,is it?)...and in a lecture or two.....almost the entire class has a copy each.

And suddenly cynicism is fashionable!
We now have people from Barack"Kayne-West-is-a-jackass" Obama to Karan"im-so-girly-i-doubt-i'll-ever-grow-a-beard" Johar beating their drums about being cynics...and the general public will undoubtedly follow suit...though i wont be surpised if more people will follow Karan's lead than Obama's...coz oddly for the public,men with bits of feminne streaks often find themselves as social icons...take beckham or michael jackson(my granny still doesnt know his gender)...anyways,reverting back...its this spotlight on cynicism that bothers me,after all, not everyone can carry it off.A cynic is a person who lives on a different plane of existence...he looks down upon all ordinary mortals with a nonchalant disdain thats even greater than what mr. Tharoor shows for the 'cattle class'(cant help it! i just had to include this farcical event in my blog...otherwise i wouldnt be considered amongst the fashionably knowledgeable bloggers of yore)...cynics have this air of knowing things around them...the fallacies of governments,the shortcomings of the systems,why things wont work practically when they work like a dream on paper...its this feeling of 'seen-it-all-done-it-better-than-you' that a cynic shares with his brethren which attracts the ordinary mortals towards him....however for being an actual cynic...one needs to have those required personality traits...a religious belief in Murphy's laws,the ability to come up with stormclouds on the sunniest days imaginable,the ability to fret over things that are proven to be failure-proof....the charm of a cynic lies in his pessimist aura....and it needs to be strengthened witha huge scowl which scares the daylights out of the darn optimism

"I dont believe in mathematics"-Albert Einstein
Well said,mate,well said.
Neither do I....but for me, belief in mathematics takes a far more fundamental turn....the kind of where you debate the existence of God and Satan....but then ofcourse,these debates are based on the premise that these highly elusive guys dont show themselves,theres no proof of their existence....math,on the other hand has constantly tried(and succeeded,mind you!) to make its presence felt by being a thorn in my flesh since the past 15 years....my first tryst with the universally-hated subject(dont deny it,you hate maths as much as i do,u just put on a facade of liking it because you score well in it),came in kindergarten...i dont remember the setting well, some dull memories of a bespectacled teacher asking me to do an addition for her.....thats it....wait...i also remember a loud noise...the sound of glass hitting floor.....and my teacher later complaining to my mum about someone slapping her.....weird subjects make weird teachers,I tell you!
Its been a long arduous journey for me....15 years of maths...always trying to make some sense out of numbers...the way they combine,multiply and decrease....swirling about in hazy circles in my head...equations trying to outfox me....integral signs appearing and disappearing out of statements as if doing the devils own bidding.....derivations more complex than the almighty theory of relativity itself...maths has just about managed to rouse me up from dreamy slumber all sweaty and utterly paranoid about some famous mathematician's unsatisfied soul murdering me for scoring a measly 2/10 in the calculus test.....my hatred for maths is perhaps overshadowed only by my love for language....i used to like the sciences as well,but that was in sweet history when science textbooks consisted of paragraphs.....statements of pure logic unsupported by the crutches of lowly numbers....i prefer words,not numbers......coz as they say....numbers(or stats,whatever you want) never tell the complete story...u need words for it

ahh.......my first blog........the fleeting feeling that someone out there might actually read stuff that i conjure up in my horribly twisted cynical mind....ive always maintained a highly addictive mirage(inspite of horribly conclusive evidence on the contrary)that what i think matters to the world....that someone out there gives a rat's tiny arse about what i think......and ruminates on my thoughts just before going to bed........this blog might actually be an avenue for me to realise my long standing dream of being an author......but readers,beware(this statement is based on the aforementioned mirage that there are actually people who'll give a fortunate rat's tiny arse about reading my blogs).....i am an unlimited supply of cynicism......a treasure-trove of the wicked at heart.......the most u may get out of my blog is some dark humour......if you are looking for something to cheer you up with bright-sunshine-thoughts after a hard day at work......u'll probably be barking up the wrong tree.....adios